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How are you feeling today?

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Post  edsne Thu 2 Oct - 2:54

Hello Julie,

Try not to cancel your appointment with your cm.

I know when you feel you want to hide from the world you may also want to hide from people who can help but I think would make it worse.

Maybe talking things through will help you to cope.

Try to go on Friday if you can. Maybe tell your friends how you feel and then if you need to leave at any point they can make sure you get home safely.

Edsne

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Post  Guest Thu 2 Oct - 9:05

Hello!
I feel pretty rough today. I woke up feeling ok, but it's gone a bit downhill.
I woke up feeling...different - like things could really change.
But i'm seeing i'm very stuck mentally and feel rather insecure. I know it's not doing me good to be bumming around at home today on my own with things ahead all looking scary. Why can't things ahead look a bit more welcoming?

I relate to what you are sharing Julie - not so much that i am focusing on my size, but i do feel like i need to hide myself. And yet the more i do the more i seem to feel that pain of being alone. It just builds : the worry, the feelings of being alone, the inadequacy, remembering things i (or even someone else) have said and done in the past - like finding things at any stage during my life to bruise myself with. And bringing it all into the present - like i'll never be good for anything. Like it's all over for me. Terribly downward spiraling thinking that serves me NOT ONE JOT!

I don't want to go into too many details of my life here. I just feel a bit too exposed today. BUt i don't want to deny the truth of my experience either. And the truth is i basically feel UGH and must do what i can to take care of myself.

The sun is shining! Maybe i should get out there. But the wind is cold. Hmmmn. Must wrap up warm i guess. And stay safe. Whatever that means. Stop thinking so much perhaps. Deep breaths. Drink some water. Refresh a bit.

Love Alia

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Post  Guest Thu 2 Oct - 9:10

PS And just to add that i too cancelled a couple of things i had in the diary and feel really crap about that. Missing things stings a bit doesn't it. It's like being damned if i do and damned if i don't.

I try and recall that phrase "Better regret the things you have done than the things you haven't done." Life's for living! And anyone worth their salt will give us room to be fallible and human. Just why is it that the one friend i have that always has the door open for me do i not go to see? And why do i not encourage them to come see me? What on earth is WRONG with me?!!! What am i waiting for? Some kight in shining armour to break down my door? Well, not until i've cleared up this flat! Maybe that's my job for the rest of the afternoon!

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Post  edsne Fri 3 Oct - 6:13

Hello Alia,

I get how your feeling completely. Particularly with the beating yourself up with the past. When you feel good it's just the past but when you feel bad it's evidence of how bad and worthless you are, how horrible people and the world are and how it will never get better.

I have come to the conclusion for my own sanity that it is part of the mental illness. Part of the destructive thought process that comes with it. I guess we can just be aware of it as being part of the illness rather than being a truth.

Try and get out even if it is just for a walk. Watch a nice film. Allow yourself some distraction and relaxation.

I can also associate with not letting people in that leave an open door in their lives for us. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Maybe just a coffee every so often. It's hard but it's always in your control to just do what feels comfortable to you.

Be extra kind to yourself while you feel vulnerable.

Edsne

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Post  Guest Sat 4 Oct - 4:22

i kept my c/m appt but didn't go 2 the reunion.
xxx

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Post  edsne Sun 5 Oct - 3:07

Hello Julie,

I'm glad you went to your CM appointment.

How do you feel about not having gone to the reunion?

Edsne

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Post  Guest Tue 7 Oct - 9:32

really down havent been 2 art again 2day, cant face seeing anyone sad
xxxx

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Post  Guest Wed 8 Oct - 3:36

hi sorry i havent posted in ages...things arent too good. my course isnt good, my tutors arent very nice, my eating isnt good and a close mate overdosed on sunday night and half her organs are failing. so yer im not doing to great sorry
X

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Post  edsne Wed 8 Oct - 4:04

Hi Julie,

Do you go to art alone? Is there someone you can get to go with you to the next session? Your cm perhaps?

Are you managing to leave the house apart from for going to art?

Try and get out and beak your day up with some distractions. Maybe go out with friends or family. People you feel safe with.

You can move past feeling like this.

Edsne

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Post  edsne Wed 8 Oct - 4:11

Hi Patch,

That is alot to be dealing with and I'm not suprised it's affecting your eating.

Are you getting any support?

Maybe it would really help now to have that eating plan? You can't do anything about some of the things going on around you but you can look after yourself no matter what is going on. I know it's hard. It has taken me years to not let things going on around me effcet my eating but it can be done.

Keep talking here if it helps.

Edsne

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Post  Guest Wed 8 Oct - 11:26

not good had meeting 2day with escape staff & c/m on fone, got 2 try and go 2 art on tues neutral i wont leave the house at moment, been s/i needed stitches, basicly am total sick of everything,
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Post  edsne Thu 9 Oct - 4:46

Hi Julie,

How are you feeling this morning?

Has your CM offered you any extra help with getting to art next week or any extra support generally?

Edsne

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Post  Guest Thu 9 Oct - 9:40

Am just low had 2 go 2 a&e this morn 4 more stitches & get it dressed got 2 try & leave it alone & covered till at least mon, spoke 2 my c/m 2day she is encouraging me 2 go 2 art on tue like arranged y-day, they have given me an appt that will be a quiet time & i only have 2 stay as long as i want. roll eyes sad neutral
Hope u r all ok, xxxxxxxxxxx

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Post  Guest Thu 9 Oct - 11:31

hi
im ok
no not getting any support too scared to ask for it to be honest. dont think im ill enough to really qualify for anything
im trying to look after myself but to be honest i just cant be bothered. sorry
patch x

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Post  edsne Thu 9 Oct - 12:26

Hello Julie,

I'm sorry to hear that.

Try and be extra kind to yourself this evening. Have a nice bubble bath, face mask, dvd. Anything that makes you feel good or smile.

Do you feel better about going to art? If you need more support then can you ask your CM? Remember it's okay to ask for what you need.

Take care of yourself tonight.

Edsne

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Post  edsne Thu 9 Oct - 12:33

Hello Patch,

Are you really okay? It sounds like you aren't really.

Does your uni have a general counselling service? Most are self referal and I think you could really benefit from talking to a professional.

I know things are bad at the moment but theycan get better if you take the right steps.

Be kind to yourself.

Edsne

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Post  Guest Fri 10 Oct - 7:06

i dunno how i'll feel about art, if am unsure on mon i'll ring my c/m & see if she'll come with me 4 a while if she can, she was great y-day when i rang. Told me dad about my s/h we agreed not 2 tell mam. Feel a bit calmer, just confused & fat too.
lol xxxxxxxxxxx

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Post  edsne Fri 10 Oct - 9:27

Hello Julie,

I'm glad she was helpful yesterday.

I think ringing on Monday is a very good idea.

In the mean time try and look after yourself and be as kind to yourself as you can.

Edsne

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Post  Guest Sat 11 Oct - 9:44

i'll try thanks, managed 2 go out the house 2day with the folks, was so relieved 2 get back home thou,
thank you 4 your support, lol xxxxxxxxx

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Post  edsne Sat 11 Oct - 12:47

Hello Julie,

Well done!

I know you were glad to get in to the house but I'm sure it must have done you some good and you should be really proud of yourself for getting out.

Well done. happy

Edsne

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Post  Guest Sun 12 Oct - 4:23

thanks very much xxxxx

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Post  edsne Sun 12 Oct - 10:37

You're welcome Julie. happy

Edsne

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Post  Guest Mon 13 Oct - 7:20

ok im not ok
barely getting out only to go to college but come straight home.
my depressions coming back good and strong
cut for the first time in ages the other night
sorry
x

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Post  edsne Mon 13 Oct - 7:50

Hello Patch,

There's no need to say sorry.

Have you told anyone you have cut?

I think it's really important to get some support right now Patch.

Things are tough at the moment but they can get better.

Can you make some little plans to help combat the depression? Like having a nice walk everyday after uni. Getting some dvds out and chilling out in your pj's watching them. Anything that makes you smile and helps you to do some positive things for yourself.

Edsne

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Post  Guest Mon 13 Oct - 7:55

told you lol
i still havent registered with a GP so getting support might be tricky
i was meant to do it today but i really dont feel like going outside
i just want to hide in bed go to college then go back to bed and in a n ideal world just not go to college just hide from the world in bed. im still in my pjs now am doing college work but i just cant concentrate. dad phoned me earlier telling me to go find a job but im too scared to. i've got college tomorrow i want to go cos we're meant to be going climbing but then i just want to lie in bed under my covers and just hide.
i thought i was better i thought i was over all this
i guess i was wrong
x

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